PEOPLE IN LABOR MEET PIECES OF THEMSELVES THEY NEVER KNEW EXISTED, SOMETIMES DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW EXISTED, SOMETIMES ARE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FIND.
Birth is a gateway, and there is no one to get us through it but ourselves. We would like to think that our doctor or midwife will get us through birth. Or that medication will get us through it. Or that breathing a certain way will get us through it. Or that picking just the right location or environment or music and lighting will get us through it. Or that hiring the best doula will get us through it. We would like to think that taking a childbirth education class will get us through birth.
THE FACT IS, BIRTHING PEOPLE GET THEMSELVES THROUGH BIRTH.
And they get themselves through it however they can, by contacting inner resources they may or may not know they have. Hopefully, they are supported by a great clinician, a great childbirth ed class, and even great lighting or music. But most of the time, birth involves a lot more noisy, messy, or otherwise spontaneous existential responses to what is ultimately a primal human experience.
PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND EARLY PARENTHOOD IS A UNIQUELY CHARGED MOMENT IN TIME. IT IS FULL OF BOTH EXCITEMENT AND FEAR. AND IT IS RIPE WITH POTENTIAL FOR SIGNIFICANT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT.
As a person’s body changes and expands in pregnancy, their mind changes and expands as well. The experience of birth is transformational. For every woman, by definition, birth transforms her from person to parent; for many women, birth is also a catalyst for personal inner growth and development as well. We are all aware that children have a developmental trajectory, but it is easy to forget that parents do too. Newborn babies are born to newborn parents, each of them finding their way with new eyes and hands.
IN OUR CULTURE, MOST OF OUR ATTENTION GOES TOWARD THE OUTER EXPERIENCE OF BIRTH.
Often, our society’s focus is informational: What is labor? When should we go to the hospital? Where should I give birth? Who should attend? How do I breastfeed? These are all truly important matters. This is the outer experience of birth. But at the heart of things, information and knowledge, preparation and plans are not what get us through birth. It is the inner resources, the power we find, often hiding, deep within the recesses of our beings that brings us through these waters and over to the other side.
IT IS THE INNER EXPERIENCE OF BIRTH THAT IMPRINTS ON A WOMAN’S BODY AND MIND.
Women have wonderful natural births and traumatic ones and everywhere in between; women have wonderful C-sections and traumatic ones and everywhere in between; women have wonderful hospital births and traumatic ones; women have wonderful home births and traumatic ones. And many births are not traumatic or wonderful but somewhere in between.
What are the defining factors that paint that picture? It is the inner experience of birth: Was she respected by those in attendance? Did she feel empowered in the ways that she wanted to? Did she see herself as an active participant or director in the decision making along the way? Was she allowed the freedom to discover her own inner abilities, both physical and psychological, that could carry her through? Ultimately, did she feel empowered to give birth?
LABOR IS A JOURNEY. WE START OUT IN ONE PLACE, AND END UP IN ANOTHER.
Birth is a trip across waters that can be any combination of calm and shallow, to treacherous and deep. Knowing what the waters look like, and how to swim is key. But being willing to confront oneself and stay present is perhaps the far greater challenge. No matter what kind of waters we encounter, we start out in one place, and end up on unfamiliar ground. Tending to our experience, both outer and inner, will strengthen our footing as we cross into the unknown.
PERHAPS PUT MORE SIMPLY: BIRTH IS HAPPENING NO MATTER WHAT. MIGHT AS WELL EXPERIENCE IT!
Let me know what you think!
Molly